Silence Is Not the Same as Understanding
One of the reasons I wrote When You Arrive: A Children’s Book About Racism is because I noticed something that happens in both schools and homes. Adults often assume that if we avoid talking about race, children will simply grow up treating everyone equally. I understand where that hope comes from. Most adults want children to experience a world that feels fair and welcoming. The problem is that children are incredibly observant. They notice differences long before they have the vocabulary to describe them.
Over the years, I have spent countless hours with children in classrooms, hallways, cafeterias, and playgrounds. They ask honest questions. They notice skin color, languages, traditions, and family structures. None of that surprises me anymore. What surprises me is how uncomfortable adults become when those questions come up.
I have often wondered why we expect children to ignore something that is so visible in the world around them. They are not creating division by asking questions. They are trying to make sense of what they see.
My Own Experiences Shaped This Belief
Growing up in Washington, DC, I became aware at an early age that opportunities were not distributed equally. I experienced educational barriers that had little to do with my ability and everything to do with circumstances outside my control. When I tried to transfer to another public school, I was denied because of my zip code. At the time, I did not fully understand every system behind that decision, but I understood that something about it did not feel fair.
Later, attending The Piney Woods School changed the direction of my life. It also reinforced something I continue to believe today. Exposure matters. Opportunity matters. Conversations matter.
Those experiences continue to shape how I think about race with young people. I never want children to believe that difficult topics are off limits simply because adults find them uncomfortable.
Children Can Handle More Than We Think
One misconception I hear often is that children are too young to discuss race. I think we sometimes confuse innocence with ignorance.
Children do not need every historical detail all at once. They do not need complicated academic language. What they need are honest, age-appropriate conversations that help them understand fairness, kindness, empathy, and respect.
As educators and parents, we make these kinds of adjustments all the time. We explain math differently to a first grader than we would to a high school student. Reading instruction grows more sophisticated over time. Conversations about race can work the same way.
The goal is not to overwhelm children. The goal is to give them language that helps them understand both themselves and the people around them.
Listening Is More Important Than Having Perfect Answers
One lesson I learned as a teacher is that children rarely expect adults to know everything.
They do, however, notice when adults refuse to engage.
Some of the most meaningful classroom conversations I have participated in started with a student asking a simple question. Sometimes I knew exactly how to respond. Other times I needed to think before answering. Occasionally, I admitted that I did not have the perfect response in that moment.
I believe there is value in that honesty.
Adults often put pressure on themselves to deliver flawless explanations. In reality, children benefit more from seeing thoughtful conversations than polished speeches. They learn that it is acceptable to ask questions respectfully, listen carefully, and continue learning throughout life.
That mindset creates curiosity instead of fear.
Building Empathy Takes Practice
Empathy is not something we develop through a single lesson or one meaningful conversation. Like reading or solving math problems, it grows with practice.
I have seen classrooms where students learned to appreciate one another because teachers intentionally created opportunities to hear different perspectives. Those moments were not dramatic. They happened during book discussions, classroom meetings, collaborative projects, and everyday interactions.
Those experiences reminded students that every person carries a unique story.
When children begin seeing classmates as individuals instead of stereotypes, something changes. They become more willing to listen before making assumptions. They become more comfortable asking respectful questions. Most importantly, they become more willing to stand up for one another when something feels unfair.
Those lessons extend well beyond school.
Honest Conversations Strengthen Communities
I understand why some people worry that talking about race will create division. I have heard those concerns many times.
My experience has led me to a different conclusion.
Avoiding conversations does not eliminate misunderstanding. It often allows confusion, misinformation, or fear to grow unchecked. Honest conversations, handled thoughtfully and with care, give children the tools to understand one another rather than make assumptions.
That does not mean every discussion will be easy. Some questions do not have simple answers. Sometimes adults bring their own discomfort into the conversation because they are still processing experiences from their own lives.
That is perfectly human.
The important part is continuing the conversation rather than ending it before it begins.
Every Conversation Shapes the Future
When I wrote When You Arrive, I was not trying to write a book that had every answer. I wanted to create a starting point.
Children are naturally curious. They want to understand the world they live in, and they deserve adults who are willing to guide those conversations with honesty, compassion, and hope.
As an educator, I have always believed that schools should prepare students academically while also helping them become thoughtful citizens. Those goals are connected. Learning to read, solve equations, and think critically are essential skills, but so is learning how to respect people whose experiences differ from our own.
Every conversation we have with a child leaves an impression. Sometimes we see the impact immediately. Other times, it surfaces years later in the way they treat classmates, colleagues, neighbors, or even their own children.
That is why I continue to believe these conversations matter.
They are not about creating guilt or assigning blame. They are about building understanding. They are about helping children grow into adults who are confident enough to ask questions, compassionate enough to listen, and courageous enough to treat every person with dignity. If we can help children develop those qualities early, we are doing more than teaching them about race. We are helping them build the character they will carry throughout their lives.